


Five FitzSimmons Modifications that Didn't Make the Bus (and One that Did)

by Lokei



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Episode Tag, For Science!, Gen, Humor, Magnets, Technobabble, inventions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-09
Updated: 2015-02-21
Packaged: 2017-12-28 23:15:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/998077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokei/pseuds/Lokei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fish tank wasn't the only improvement that got cut from the plane's repair schedule.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**1) The Fish Tank**

 Word got back to Fury (word always gets back to Fury) that FitzSimmons had indeed proposed a fish tank aboard the reconstructed plane, and he rolled his eye with the kind of resignation only perfected by those who deal with Tony Stark and his ragtag team of weirdos on a frequent basis.  Hill, however, found the idea hilarious and went off to needle Coulson about it, who calmly passed her along to the brains responsible.  They had, after all, been the ones to actually *fire* the 084 and put a hole in his mobile headquarters.  They deserved at least a little bit of uncomfortableness for that.

 Fitz, when asked, pointed to Simmons and claimed that she'd wanted the tank to be filled with some kind of fish that produce interesting biochemicals--namely, poisons, lethal and non.  He himself, of course, only wanted the tank to have the kinds of nice, pretty, relaxing fish that had interesting fin motions--he had some theories about reducing drag and also wing flexibility that would be greatly enhanced by the opportunity to study the fluid dynamics of the--but really, no, he had the rest of the team in mind, the relaxing thing, you know.  Because Agent Ward and Agent May both, and well, each of them in particular depending on the day, seemed in dire need of  something mellow, like watching the fish, or well, possibly Simmons' fishes' muscle relaxant toxin?

 Hill gave Coulson a lava lamp at the next briefing. 

 He used it to brain the stowaway they picked up on their fifth mission.

 

**2) The 'Disco Windows'**

The key, apparently, had something to do with selective reflectivity and polarization.  And fish scales, but Ward wasn't even going to try to figure out how.  He was more preoccupied with

 "But why?  I mean, what possible purpose could putting some kind of...disco filter on the windows serve?"

 FitzSimmons gave him identical looks of amused condescension.

 "'But why' he asks.  As if science was all about solutions."

 "Problem solving."

 "Medical miracles."

 "Weapons and communication."

 "Transportation."

 "Faster than *light* transportation."

 "Because that's not all that science is."

 And, in eerie synchrony:

 "Because sometimes science is just fun.  Because we *can.*"

 Unsettled, Ward shook his head.  "Just...make sure it's removable, if you go for it.  Because the Director is never gonna go for it."

 ...All the same, he was a little disappointed when he turned out to be right.

 

**3) The Dwarves' Cat Tunnels**

"But then they could access all areas of the plane without getting in the way!" said Fitz.

 "And it would be particularly nice for Bashful," Simmons added with a little smile.  "He doesn't like crowds."

 "Robot drone superhighway?  I don't think so," Skye said.

 "Seriously, that's creepy," Ward agreed, to the hacker's evident surprise.

 "They can use the ventilation systems just like everyone else," Coulson said. 

 The rest of the team looked at each other and decided not to ask.

 

 **4) Anti-Gravity Squashball Court**

"We have one of those on the heli-carrier.  Not as fun as you'd think," Coulson said.

 FitzSimmons frowned.  "Who?"

 "Who else?"

 Their request for a direct line to Stark's labs was also declined.

 

 **5) Hammocks in the cargo bay**

 "And these have, what, medical sensors in them?  Slow release truth-serum through skin absorption?  Fingerprint capture?"  Ward sounded so proud of himself for coming up with the options, Simmons thought it was close to unbearable levels of cute.

 She smiled.  "Actually, it's a highly useful and versatile cellulose-based fiber, using organic acids and a delicate balance of multiple forms of saccharides."

 Ward raised his eyebrows for more explanation.

 "It's cotton," she explained.  "Good for swinging, relaxing, mid-air napping?"

 May shook her head with a rueful hint of an expression on her face.  "Got you there, Ward.  Again. Sometimes a hammock is just a hammock."  She turned to Simmons.  "Unfortunately, good a pilot as I am, turbulence happens.  Among other things.  I'd rather not feel responsible for someone getting a concussion falling out of a hammock mid-flight."

Simmons raised a hand.  "Um, sorry, other things?"

 May tipped her head and Simmons put her hand down.  Someone had, after all, blown a hole in the plane in its very first week.

 "Right.  No hammocks."

+  
 **1) Magnetized coasters and drinking glasses** Technically, of course, Fitz hastened to assure the rest of the team, the coasters also featured a suction-based securing device on the posterior to affix them to the glass bar top in case of turbulence--or rapid cabin depressurization, of course.

 "Which there will be no more of in the immediate or forseeable future," Coulson interjected.  "As I have already promised Director Fury."

 Skye twirled a coaster between her fingers before returning it to its spot clinging to the glass.  "Suction cup coasters and magnetic glasses, huh? Anyone else feel a drinking game coming on?"

 FitzSimmons blinked at her, May folded her arms, but Ward's face twitched barely perceptibly.

 "We did test them with a game of wall-golf," Simmons offered.  "To make sure the magnets withstood an alteration of gravity, of course."

 "Of course," Coulson echoed dryly, while Skye repeated "Wall golf?"

 "Like darts, but with glasses as the targets, stuck to the walls," Fitz filled in.

 "Presumably not with actual golf balls, since the glasses are all still in one piece.  Unless you're just a lousy shot," Ward added.

 Simmons smiled.  "Oh, did we not mention?  The glasses are formed of the latest in enhanced polycarbonate."

 Ward's expression made her smile flicker and then return brighter.  "That is to say, they're also bulletproof."

 The new barware got to stay, but it surprised no one when Fury denied the requisition for golf clubs.


	2. Stark Industries is Always Hiring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tiny follow-up ficlet, because Tony is a snoop and FitzSimmons write alluring blueprints.

So, Tony was aware that hacking into Fury's email was a supremely bad idea.  Like, possible supervillain levels of bad.  However, since discovering that there was a living breathing Agent Phil Coulson still wandering around SHIELD (or a CoulsonClone, or a Life Model Decoy, or some other form of highly sophisticated android, which, let's face it, he would probably have had to be brought in on anyway because *genius,* here--unless it was a trick by Loki or some kind of other Asgardian penance or reparation which Thor was not copping to--)

Anyway.  Since discovering that dead!Coulson was resurrected!Coulson, Tony has had exactly no interest in respecting Fury's decision making process or desire to keep things secret, and thus he is scrolling the man's inbox while ignoring the engine oil and peanut butter sandwich that Dummy is waving in his general direction.

_To: Director Fury_  
 _From: Agent P._ _Coulson_  
 _Re: Bus Modifications_

_Sir,_

_As per your orders, none of the following_ _FitzSimmons_ _initiatives have been implemented.  However, I believe that a few may be further modified to serve key tactical and team-building functions, and are therefore worth considering for a second overhaul of the Bus when/if necessary._

_And if nothing else, they made Agent May crack a smile, which makes them worth archiving._

_\- P.C._

Well, that was interesting.  Tony clicked on the attachment and spun around in his chair as he waited for it to load, snagging the sandwich from Dummy's claw on the third pass.  Engine oil wasn't all that toxic, after all--he'd been accidentally ingesting it for years.  He forgot the sandwich all over again, however, as he saw the series of schematics and detailed notes for each proposal.

"JARVIS, make a note.  Whoever FitzSimmons is, we need to find out how SHIELD found them first, and then find out if they wouldn't rather work for Stark Industries."  
  
"Yes, sir.  According to the files you accessed this morning, Leo Fitz and Jemma Simmons are two British nationals who serve as the science specialists on Agent Coulson's new response team.  Fitz focuses on engineering and Simmons on biochemistry."

"Well, that explains the poisonous fish.  Let's see if we can't drop them a line, see if we can get a bite."

 "Do you refer to the fish, or the scientists, sir?"

"Just fire me up an access route that will get an email to this FitzSimmons duo without attracting Fury's notice.  He doesn't want us to know Coulson's alive, we'll play it his way for now.  Until I figure out what's going on, I will have fun trying to poach his pet scientists."

"Yes, sir.  Though if you are discovered, there will be difficulties with SHIELD."

"Disco windows on the Tower are worth it.  You'd be running the prettiest building on the East Coast."

JARVIS didn't reply.  Tony was going with 'silence means consent,' instead of 'silence means disdain,' because nobody ever disapproved of something shiny.

 

_To: lfitz@shield.gov, jsimmons@shield.gov_

_From: techgod@starkindustries.com_

_Subject: We Are Hiring. Or at least we want your cupholders._


End file.
